The Slaughter of Shalem

Genesis 34: Unfair advantage

One day, Dinah, one of Jacob’s daughters was spotted by Shechem, the prince of Shalem, where Jacob and family had settled. They slept together, and in the following pillow-talk, Shechem decided he was in love. Shechem said to his father, Hamor, “Get me this damsel to wife!” because he wanted to marry her.

Hamor …Continue reading The Slaughter of Shalem

Jacob Makes a Friend

Genesis 28: A decent ROI

Before Jacob fled, Isaac called him into his tent again and told him he wasn’t allowed to marry a Canaanite woman, and to go to Laban and marry one of his cousins instead. Jacob did just that. In response, Esau took on yet another wife and married one of his other cousins.

One …Continue reading Jacob Makes a Friend

Esau and Jacob

Genesis 25: The jerk brother

The Lord, taking on the role of an obstetrician, appeared to the now-pregnant Rebekah and prophesised that she would have twins, and that one would be stronger than the other, and that the elder would be subservient to the younger. Sure enough, Isaac and Rebekah were blessed with two baby boys.

Esau was …Continue reading Esau and Jacob

The King of Gerar

Genesis 20: Abraham pimps his wife again

Abraham was continuing his journey southward to form a great nation, but had stopped in Gerar break. Once again, as in Egypt, he passed off Sarah as his sister, and once again, gave her up to the king. That evening God appeared to the king in a dream. “Hey!” said …Continue reading The King of Gerar

Abram and Sarai

Genesis 12-14: Pimp my wife

One day, the Lord came to Abram, one of Noah’s many descendants, and told him to take his family on a journey to another place, where Abram would blessedly form a great nation. Unfortunately, there was a famine, and Abram decided to wait it out in Egypt.

On arrival in Egypt, Abram said …Continue reading Abram and Sarai