Kids these days

Leviticus 10: Problems with authority

One day Aaron’s sons, Nadab and Abihu, being precocious young teens with an aptitude for challenging authority, lit some incense without prior authorization from the Lord. Naturally, the Lord swooped down upon them in a pillar of fire, stripping skin from bone in a nuclear rage. What little remained of them was …Continue reading Kids these days

The Israelites meet their Lord

Leviticus 9: Like a bee to honey

On the eighth day of his ordainment, Aaron called together the Israelites and had them all round up perfectly good calves, goats and lambs for needless slaughter. That day, carcasses piled up outside the tent as hundreds of animals were skinned, bled dry, hacked into pieces, and tossed on the …Continue reading The Israelites meet their Lord

Forgetful Moses

Leviticus 6-8: “In case you forgot”…”

While it was only five chapters ago that the Lord had told Moses exactly what to do with regards to burnt offerings, grain offerings, sin offerings, and all sorts of other offerings, the Lord once again restated in great detail exactly everything he had said earlier. Presumably Moses was a forgetful …Continue reading Forgetful Moses

The Real Ten Commandments

Exodus 34: Rules to live by”… again

“Hey!” the Lord said to Moses one day, “remember those stone tablets? You know – the ones you threw down in a tantrum and broke? Yeah – go make some replacements, and meet me up on Mount Sinai with them tomorrow morning.”

Up on the mountain the Lord descended in His …Continue reading The Real Ten Commandments

Moses Tames the Lord’s Fury

Exodus 33: The Smoke Monster

Moses had a special tent in the Israelite camp where he would go to convene with the Lord. Moses would enter the tent, and the Lord’s pillar of cloud would descend and wait outside the door. This particular day, the Lord was thoroughly perturbed about the previous events involving the Golden Calf, …Continue reading Moses Tames the Lord’s Fury

The Death Penalty

Exodus 31: “I’m no judge, but isn’t that a bit harsh? Maybe just a teensy-weensy bit?”

The Lord Almighty realized that his frail human followers might not be able to live up to his expectations. Between all metallurgy, woodwork, and engineering needed to build all the altars, golden rings, lamps, and so on, there was a lot …Continue reading The Death Penalty

The Holy™ Product Line

Exodus 30: This chapter is brought to you by Holy™

Pleased with Moses’ undying enthusiasm to hear more and more rules, the Lord spouted off more commands about altar sizes, golden rings and incense burnings. Then he moved on to more pressing issues:

“Take a census of the Children of Israel,” the Lord said, “and everyone over the …Continue reading The Holy™ Product Line

Holy Interior Design

Exodus 25-28: Moses gets micromanaged

The Lord gave Moses a long grocery list of items he was to collect from the Israelites as offerings, including precious metals, fine linens, spices and incense. “Make a sanctuary exactly in the way I’m about to explain to you,” the Lord told Moses.

“First,” God began, “an Ark. I want it made …Continue reading Holy Interior Design

Written in Stone

Exodus 24: Moses puts it in writing

After God had listed off all His various rules and commandments, Moses went back to the people of Israel and wrote all the words down somewhere. The next morning, he got up early and built an altar with twelve pillars (cleverly representing the twelve tribes of Israel) at the base …Continue reading Written in Stone

The ‘Other’ Commandments II

Exodus 22-23: Even more rules

Continuing from the previous chapter’s set of moral guidelines, these additional rules remain a crucial pillar of our entire legal system. While all of God’s Laws are undoubtedly important, highlighted here are the most significant:

If you kill a thief while he’s breaking in during the night, you’re not guilty of anything. But …Continue reading The ‘Other’ Commandments II