The Golden Calf

Exodus 32: Supervision required

While Moses was up on Mount Sinai receiving his moral guidance from the Lord, the Children of Israel naturally assumed he had gone AWOL, and so turned to Aaron for spiritual guidance.

Not having had the benefit of the Lord’s guidance, Aaron did the best he could: he collected up all the Israelites’ gold …Continue reading The Golden Calf

The Birth of Ishmael

Genesis 15-16: Do the maid instead

One day, the Lord appeared to Abram in a vision, where Abram expressed his dismay about not having an heir. But Abram (who was apparently unfamiliar with the process of childbirth) was reassured when Gold told him that an heir would come out of his bowels. The Lord also told Abram …Continue reading The Birth of Ishmael

Noah’s Family

Genesis 9-11: The world’s first alcoholic

With the world back to normal, God gave Noah some instructions to start anew:

Be fruitful and multiply
You may terrorize every animal on earth, or do anything else to them you see fit.
Feel free to eat any moving things, oh, and plants too.
Only eat your meat well-done – nothing bloody.
Don’t forget who’s …Continue reading Noah’s Family

The Flood

Genesis 6-8: The Origin of Species

As the human population inevitably ballooned, God increasingly realized he was rather unhappy with his human creations and decided to destroy them all. He also decided that while he was at it, he would exterminate all the other animals on the planet. However, God took a liking to Noah and his …Continue reading The Flood